Iain starts the DIY

So now the bedroom's a bit of a bombsite .... but the good news is making the new wall should be quite straightforward. Raah!!

Iain's now watching that awful Sarah Connor Chronicles (bless him!)

Almost 12 weeks DONE.

Well, here's a WHOLE LOT of me on show!!! Can you see the bit where the top bit of my tummy sticks up now??? Well, it's like, firm too - F R E A K Y. 

Well, I finally felt well today, after a long few days of feeling SOOOOOO illl. 

What did I do with my new happy reduced-morning-sickness situation (I still felt a bit sick after 3 pm.... but it was not too bad) - I knitted some, I ate my protein with  a smile, I exercised after lunch and walked to the bridge outside Royston Station and met Iain after work and walked home with him even though it was raining slightly (wore a big coat, scarf, hood, Uggs and had an umbrella!!! Lambykins and I were well safe. Iain reckons I walked 2 miles). 

Ok, I didn't really cook anything sophisticated or do a very good job emptying the wardrobe for Iain - all the clothes, shoes and hats are out, BUT ... they are not sorted and packed away yet. Urghhh. Big task ahead.  Iain has started taking the old wardrobe apart and hopefully will make the new wall over this weekend. 

I also had a thought about my GD fears and talked to Abba about borrowing a diabetes monitor. He'll let me have his spare on Sunday (Abba, Mamma and Boro Phuppu are popping over on Sunday night now with bhuna gosht YESSSSS). I feel I really can't trust the 'specialists' at Addenbrookes - they don't even know about IR as far as I can tell ... the best I can do under the circumstances is see how far I can keep the GD at bay by monitoring my sugar, adjusting my food and hopefully getting the extra motivation to exercise a LOT more. The Yoga class will help I think ... I can go to the one on Tuesday evening as my scan will already be done (Monday).  If I still can't make it work maybe Whitcroft can help me ....  

I read this paper today on GD and PCOS ladies, and the good news is the link that both the PCOS and the non-PCOS groups in the study who got GD had was family history of diabetes, being overweight before the BFP, and gaining lots of weight during pregnancy. That was what they had in common, and the number of people who got GD were about the same in both groups, percentage wise. The PCOS ladies had more insulin tolerance issues - most of them had SOME, but this was not GD level trouble. It sucks that actually I DO have a very strong family history of Diabetes, and my BMI was higher than 25 before my BFP .... (26.7 or so I think....). So what counts in my favour is how much I improved my situation before the BFP, and what I am doing now to stop it getting worse. 

Am still scared, but a more productive adrenalin-happy fear. 

Walking and exercising and stuff was good, I liked being able to do that today. The high protein breakfasts are helping. Tomorrow I am in London and won't be able to count my carbs exactly, and am out with Tanyapa at this school nearby she will be at for a flying visit (Model United Nations?) and we'll be at Jo & Jay's place for Jo's birthday party, and then Sunday night we'll have curry and stuff .... so no counting ........ but I WILL watch my carbs and eat as much protein as possible, and stick to my 3 meals. When I check my sugars from Monday, I'll see how well I'm doing by eye .... 

I can then move on to counting the carbs like I'm meant to and see if that's better. 

Yeah, we have a plan! 

The most exciting news of the day though, is Anushe has had her son! Yaaay. I believe it must have been yesterday that he was born. I am sure all is well, haven't spoken to anyone. Am so pleased for them all. Well done Anushe & Jake! 

My First Trimester Yoga

I have to say, I've been too much of a scaredy cat to really step up the activity level yet ... poor Lambykins needs to be safe .... for that I need to not do too much stuff and on the other hand I need to stay active. Oh Man!!! What a bind. 

I have been doing some - have a good laugh!! I think it's kinda funny playing around with my feet on the wall!! In a few more weeks I can go to the class in Royston, as I'll be past the worry mark (oh, so arbitrary .....). I've been thinking about getting one of those big balls to balance on. Pregnancy is a very achey business ......... 

Iain doing his Daddy Business....

Iain's not featured greatly on this blog so far, but he's not exactly been absent from the pregnancy! 

He's very busy readying our home for Lambykins. Here he is choosing flooring for the bedroom and spare room. 

He should be done with the rooms by the time we shoot off to Carlisle at the end of April. Can't wait for his flooring project to be completed, and for my research in Carlisle to begin!

So what's with the tummy??

Now these pictures are from 8 weeks, 9 weeks, and the most recent one - today (11 + weeks). I can see no discernable pattern here. If it stayed static as a tummy, with little change I'd understand. If my tummy bloated up a bit after eating and then went back to a normalised position after, I'd understand. Absolutely random pudge I cannot understand!!! 

I know, I know 'welcome to the world of pregnancy' [I can hear your smug cries clearly you know-it-alls] - what kind of a half-arsed answer is that, anyway? Any other ideas?? 

The baby and my womb should be too small as yet to cause anything to show, so what's with the tummy? I'm not even the same amount of tubby every week ... if I were, that would account for it - I am just a bit tubby, the tummy is my tubb, end of story. 

Even the fact that my womb is aligned funny shouldn't make my tummy odd... What a freakshow .... Obviously I am bored enough to wonder THIS MUCH about my tummy ..............

Whoa I really feel sick ... but I had lunch with friends on Sunday before I really crashed and burned!!!

Image: (L-R) Waqar (his wife's having a little 'un a couple of months before we have Lambykins!!!), Iain, Dan, Emily, Richard, Leucha, James, me. We're at the Crown in Islington. Very nice it was too. 

SO the nausea isn't easing ... it's worse.

Partly, of course, it's the baby, and added to that I have been less than exemplary with my food choices. (Ate properly at the lunch, it was dessert when Leucha & James came over ... I am such a greedy fool).

So in a way I berate myself for doing this to myself, and on the other hand understand completely that I am under such a lot of pressure (from myself, from the dietician, from all the advice from doctors, books, other people ...) that I was quite likely to get to this low. Still, understanding what's happening to me if not going to take it all away. Action is required, and so far this morning I have only just managed to take my Metformin ... I know I scheduled eggs for this morning ... which means I have to get up and prepare them shortly. Urgh. 

I think as long as I don't take care of myself, I will be unhappy. I also think I know how to feel well, and I am not strong enough to be ill all the time ... so I need to try and be well. It will be easier than this awful feeling of miserable sickness. 

Had a nice time with Leucha and James (they visited this weekend) and we all have a nice lunch in London [See PICTURE]. Iain and I went on to overdo it and go to Selfridges to buy the Venezuelan Black chocolate for Iain to cook with. Am looking forward to that! We were both very dehydrated and feeling rough by the time we got home.

I had lactase tablets + lactose products over the weekend with interesting results. It appears the tablets if taken a half hour in advance of the food do work. I have had little hydrogen being generated, and no bloating to the extreme. I suspect some of my nausea now is lactose-related. 

It's good that it's not TOO BAD (not too bad??? WHAT??? I feel sick as a pig.)

An update

Hi All

(Pictures above - me knitting a jumper for the baby, and me wondering if I have a bump coming soon ... on our way out to see Mamma & Abba) 

I haven't posted for a bit. Mostly there is not a lot to report. I feel really ill almost all the time, it's jolly unpleasant, takes all the fun out of pregnancy. It's not very easy to have positive, life affirming thoughts when I feel like death. The baby appears to be sucking my entire spirit away - I'm sure not intentionally, it is just how it is. 

So since I can't really do anything I want to do, and as I don't want to do much, I've been focusing on not being destructive: I've been eating properly, my treats are largely a serving of green mangoes or boroi (they are a bit like olives from Bangladesh) or tamarind - Mamma & Abba have been sourcing these things for me. I'm still on protein + good carbs (or not too damaging carbs) - depending on how much energy I have to prepare my meal, am managing to remember my Met, my prenatal vitamin, my gut medicine and aspirin, keep forgetting to take the calcium tablets though. Mainly I suppose because a large proportion of my protein is cheese or yoghurt supplementing the cheese nowadays - at least one meal tends to have cheese. Iain is helping a great deal with dinner, but by then I feel so rubbish I don't always want a meal. It's frustrating. 

Aside from food, other things I am doing is ordering food online, looks like Ocado and Goodness Direct can deal with everything we need, with Iain picking up stuff like milk and OJ if needed from Tescos, as long as I go to the market as I can't get the veg and fruit I want online. Not to my satisfaction, or at a price I am ok with. 

I've read about Elimination Communication, Attachment Parenting and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, and now I know what's what, in theory, so I have it stored in my mind for decision-making time, I know because of how things have progressed for other ladies on Soul Cysters that even best laid plans can turn upside down, so I'm making an effort to learn about the conventional hospital procedures too, just in case I am overuled in the end. Iain is keener on a home birth now, so we'll find out more and see. I don't know, it's all so far away, so much depends on my health closer to the time. If I get GD things can all change, if there are any other complications like the baby's position, or how the placenta forms or places itself, even more fun - I wouldn't care if I believed in the hospital's ability to care for me, but there is no reason to trust them in any way so far, and whatever happens in September/October - it won't just be me involved, Lambykins will be going through it too, it's his/her birth after all, and I can't promise the baby anything. Better get used to that feeling and find a way to turn around what it means - the world teaches you to doubt yourself and your efforts. There is not much more I can do, OK I could eat even better and do my yoga every day already (not sure that's safe so I don't, plus I am lazy) - so why should I feel like Bad Mummy already? But I do, of course I do, and I only have a few months to turn that around, and then of course the rest of our lives to keep it up ... don't want to turn into someone I'm not, someone who stamps herself down. Someone like that has so little to offer anyone. 

What else have I done? Oh yeah, I've begun knitting blankets. They are not hard to do, and I'm hoping I'll feel happier having made something at least. 

My body is changing, getting bigger round the middle, but only Iain and I can see it - went to Cherry Hinton the other night and Mamma and Nani saw no change at all, Nani of course said I was always fat, great! Nice one! Way to make the pregnant lady feel better. 

Actually, it's not pleasant to suddenly have a wierd looking tummy - it's not like it looks like a proper pregnant belly, looks more like something untoward is going on .... disconcerting. 

So within the gloom and paranoia that is my life right now - I can't even think about the baby, there are still 11 days till the scan, who knows if the baby is ok or not ... most of life has no sparkle, but good things have happened too - Ema found me on FaceBook, which was wonderful, I've been looking for her for 10 years. She even called me and we talked for an hour, it was wonderful. We're still good friends, I'm sure. Her daughter is almost 3, and she sounds amazing. It's nice to have Ema's words of wisdom and her support. She's in Canada - that's not very far, is it?