22.5 Weeks already!

Hmm ... have been slack with the updates

Here's a photo though!

Last night Iain suddenly noticed my bump has changed - apparantly, the whole bump is higher up than before - who knew!!! I thought I was a bit off balance at Yoga .... The baby also kicked like a good 'un all through Heroes last night. Iain had a good time being part of the experience! Normally it's just me, baby and lots of kicks! I think the baby basically slept most of the day as I walked about so much. He woke up when I had settled down for the night!

I had a nice time yesterday as I went in to Cambridge for my Yoga. My mind was still reeling from Wednesday's chat with my supervisor. He wants me to cut right back on the studies and academic commitments as clearly, I can't cope ... I just can't produce the work I want to, pregnancy is too exhausting. I don't really mind, I mean, gestating a baby is pretty big and keeps me well occupied ... not having the stress of deadlines and essays and conferences is a relief ... but of course I am also gutted that I have failed to achieve my goals. I know I set them pre-pregnancy ... but still! It hurts!! 

I am also reeling from the emotional fall out from Tuesday's hospital appointment. I met a Dr Charlotte Patient (Yes!! Dr Patient!!). She's a doctor that Sarah recommended as well, and I am pleased to have met her. We talked about managing my PCOS and potential GD. She understand my concerns and was pretty supportive and helpful for a doctor ... but obviously, as she explained in fact, her priorities are different to mine - obviously we are both after a healthy me and healthy baby at the end of it all, but for her it's all through medicine and monitors, for me it's a bit different. If I need monitoring and medicines, yes I want them - but I don't want what I don't need, and I don't trust them. Have no reason to. I am keeping an open mind, but I can't just leave it all to whoever happens to be on duty when I turn up for my appointments. If I do have GD, I want to know, and I want to manage it as best we can so we can have the sort of birth I want for me and the baby. I also want help staying as well and fit as I can so that I can really be there for the baby after he's here ... and Iain of course, when I'm ready to take care of him again, after I've worked out a thing or two about the baby! Worst nightmare is being ill by the end of the pregnancy, being ill when baby gets here, and ending up with diabetes so soon. I am working on this nightmare being less of a 'nightmare' - I mean, it's not like I can't handle it. What most people can't grasp is that my fear is not that I can't deal with all of it, I fear it because I know I can deal with it, I know what dealing with it to my satisfaction will mean, and I don't want all that extra stuff in my life. I just want some time, some space, even if it is short-lived, of just me and my little family, with no illness, no drugs, to tests. Just a bit of space. 

Anyway, Dr Patient was prepared to try and find me an alternative to the GTT (Glucose Tolerance Test) ... but in the balance I agreed to the 24th week GTT (it'll be on the 10th of June) as I think the impact on the baby will be minimal if anything, and actually it is the quickest way to see how I am doing with the insulin levels. I don't really see how I can pass it ... and I worry that just because my IR will show up, they will label me diabetic. Well, we'll have to see when the results come in. If I am not diabetic, I am certainly not going to let anyone insist that I am! We'll have to see how on the ball these guys are ... again, I am cross about them being so lame about most things ... I'd prefer to be able to trust them. 

If I pass this GTT I will be very pleased, and won't have to see anyone about it all until 29 weeks when I'll have to do another GTT to make sure I can still pass. If I fail and have GD now, we'll move on to monitoring and checking my sugar levels and stay on the Met unless it's not working. If I get GD they will want me to have the baby at the Rosie in the doctors unit (OMG noooooo - the smell alone ... barf). Well, cross that bridge later I guess. For me it all depends on how the baby is doing in the next few months. It's not their baby, and as far as I can tell, they like to manage risks that they can manage within their budgets and with their shiny equipment - not manage risks according to how risky each risk is ... It's the nature of practicing medicine I suppose. Whatever. Not really my problem how my doctors spend their time. 

So I've been attempting to eat for my IR, and doing a lot of walking and yoga. Maybe more swimming is in order ... If I fail this test I want to really fail it, having done what I should, not fail it because I blatantly ate all the pies. I have to say, the walking and yoga is coming along just fine - my food has not been 100%. Again, I am unsure if the extra hunger is because of the baby (good) or because my IR is worsening (bad) - which is another reason I agreed to do the GTT. I wonder if they do that HOMA reading thing too as that would be perhaps more useful than the GTT ... I'll ask. 

We do have a big weekend, as we're off to Mondi's tonight and I dunno what we are eating ... but then one meal won't really make a big dent or cause a huge spike will it, in the grand scheme of things? It's more important I get things 'right' for myself in the week leading up to the 10th. 

Studying is vastly simplified. I am to transcribe the final Robinson manuscript and start getting myself organised for the great withdrawal, so that on my return things will be all in place. I feel good about those tasks. Michael wants me to work on my notes, I'm to start with Woodward's big book and do the notes afresh, and then show them to Michael. Wish we had done that 2 years ago ... 

I have SO much knitting to catch up on!! I even have sewing to do now. Might as well get cracking, as the baby will be here soon. 

Aqua Yoga Class and chilling out to music - Move over Kylie.

So today I finally made my way to the antenatal AquaYoga class at the Parkside Pool in Cambridge - really easy to get to actually, and a really nice pool. It's amazing what I'll do for this baby&me situation .... I even walked on the slimy floor!!!! Normally I am so grossed out by pools and changing rooms. I have been working on it you see .... Am proud of my achievement.

The class was great. It's a Birthlight class and it was brilliant, I loved it. The teacher is Amanda, and there were about 10 of us I guess, two of us were just about to have their babies any day now! We did quite a lot - plenty of moving, stretching, some swimming with most of the emphasis on our legs and woggles under various limbs. It was fun. I like twisting about and moving in the water. Nice bunch of ladies too. 

At the end we did a circle thing, a relaxation session - we have our eyes closed and were floating, holding hands so we were in a circle and Amanda moved us about and when we finished and came back we were feet-inside, not heads-inside!! (We started out heads-inside).

It was great, specially when the circle went round, it was like flying, me and the baby, with lots of other babies not too far away. 

Definitely worth going there!! 

I've been stepping up my relaxation and yoga in general, trying to stay ahead of the baby's growth spurts. Podcasts tell me I'll really get big in the next 10 weeks or so, and I know the antenatal doctors are also starting to get more interested in me ... plenty to do in this second half of the pregnancy. Am feeling very close to the baby, very in tune with what I need to eat, do, and deal with in my mind. None of it is exactly easy, but it is all rewarding, and I enjoy having the baby nearby all the time.  I have followed up the Indian classical music suggestions Nargisapa sent me, and I really like her suggestions (so thank you! Good choices...). As I searched I came across a lot more besides, so have a small collection, and some of it is just right, and I really can chill out or do my yoga to this stuff. 

I started off a couple of weeks ago with European classical stuff - listened on the radio a bit, wheeled out the bits of Gershwin I normally skip 'cos I can't sing along, downloaded Myleene's Music for Mothers which is just perfect - bite size music just for me! - and I even found a freebie Mozart cd that came in the post years ago!! All of its not quite what I want, but, again, some of it is. 

It's not so much about the baby directly, as actually, the baby appears completely unmoved by most of the music. I get to chill out or practice my breathing, or sleep easily, and that is good for both of us. 

I did go to the Yoga class in Royston last night, but I think I'm going to give that one a miss for a while at least .... the teacher kept banging on about less-than-positive issues ... or just plain going on and on and I know she means well and sees herself as some sort of keeper of our sanity and welbeing, but actually, I just wanted to do some yoga and need more out of it. 

So looks like the two classes in Cambridge (Wed & Thu) suit me best. Hope I can keep making my way there! 

Iain felt the Baby Kick!

Last night, Iain felt the baby kick for the first time, twice, which was quite a thrill for all 3 of us I'm sure! 

The kicks are all day, every day, but not very frequent, nor are they strong enough to be uncomfortable. Mostly they are tickly feelings towards the top of the bump, like a feather, or a more deliberate poke, lower down. 

The baby actually started punching a bit harder from yesterday afternoon, after Hypnobirthing class. (Which went great by the way). 

We learned that when I relax and chill out, the baby will move about more ... so that's what I thought I needed to do at the scan, and the midwife wanted me to move about and all ... and actually, I'd have been better off trying it my way. Not that I can relax instantly! 

We learned more about the birthing environment and techniques for relaxation, we have a lot of practicing to do! I totally agree with the things Sarah explains to us, most of it I have believed for a very long time, like the birth is not just for me or something I have to do, it's the baby's birth and it'll be a big day for me, and for Iain, and all 3 of us have a lot going on that day, a lot we need for it to be a really nice outcome. We're pretty happy with what we're doing right now. 

Another antenatal appointment soon

The midwife who did the scan yesterday was surprised I hadn't been seen by Prof Smith - he not only runs the POPS study we're participating in (Pregnancy Outcome Prediction Study), he's also the GD guy I think ... something along those lines, she wasn't that clear. She said I should call and have a chat or see someone, specially if I am not sure I want the Lucozade challenge in a couple of months.

Well, I emailed the team for advice and a nice doctor called me back pretty quick, and we had a chat. He thought I should come in and see someone and be assessed, and that hopefully everything will progress as normal and I'll have my normal birth for the baby.

He sounded good. Didn't say anything that made me worry, so lets see what happens. I'm to go on on Tuesday the 27th. Ooof, it's gonna be back to back doctors and midwives and whatnot now isn't it .... Still, with a bit of help, I should be able to beat the IR and avoid GD, at least try to!

I called the midwife Annabel and left a message, she's on holiday and will get her to do the referral letter later.

Am feeling on top of it, but a bit worried about getting diabetes, and about losing the battle with the IR - after all, it IS a possibility (I'll bet I win in the long run though!!)

Mum is now no longer pleased about my home-birthing dreams, and although her fears are based on just fear for the sake of fear, nothing she was worried about applied to me or my plans or my situation, and it's far too soon to know if I can actually aim for a home-birth realistically, her fears reminded me how powerful other people's fears and negativity can be, how much it can weaken me. I don't need to be weakened from the outside!! Strange for Mum to be on the outside anyway, I thought she liked being involved. Well, its not for me to force anyone, right?

Wish I really was a samurai, like Iain says I am. More training and discipline by now would have helped! Other people's sadnesses and fears get me down.

I have my writing schedule to focus on at any rate - I'm seeing Michael about the same time as I see the antenatal people ... I really think I'll have the draft papers and presentations in order by then, and a section completed as a sample from my first Robinson Chapter. Am looking forward to focusing on that rather than more negative things I can't change about the world anyway.

20 Week Scan day

We had our 20 weeks scan today (20.2 days pregnant though!)

There is great news - the baby has all his/her organs, the heartbeat sounded and looked great, the baby has a great little face with all the right bits, lips etc seem fine - the midwife doing the scan didn't see any abnormalities at all.

We had a good look at the spine, hips, kidneys, heart - everything looks just great.

For me, from my rubbish viewing position, I couldn't see much more than a few blobs really, and the spine looked a lot like a kipper's bones .... BUT I am assured that it was all good, and Iain really enjoyed the images on the screen. I personally feel a far greater connection to the baby moving inside me, and the weight of the baby as I move - and specially when I am still!! I share every breath with the baby, we share our food quite bizarrely --- the baby appears to be helping me with my food issues .... HOW???? Anyway, I suppose it's to be expected, symbiotic and all that.

We do have to go back on Thursday next week for another scan as it wasn't possible to make the baby turn around, and so all the heart measurements (necessary for the hospital's study we are participating in) could not be made. So we are hoping to find out if we have a son or daughter NEXT WEEK now.

The baby was shy and kept putting his/her hands on his/her face!!

Can you wait???

(we can)

20 weeks Pregnant and ready for my scan tomorrow!!

Feeling excited about the baby

I woke up this morning really happy, alert, and ready to get up and get moving. Anyone who has shared a home with me knows this is unusual!! 

I thought - I just have to wake up again tomorrow, and then the next day I'll wake up and we'll go to the hospital and we'll see Baby Princess again.

Er, aside from the fact that I'll also have to get through today and the whole of tomorrow, and that Baby Princess may be a boy ... (I still maintain anyone can be a Princess if they have a Tiara on... it's only temporary anyway, no child of mine will technically be a princess ... definitely not when born)

Anyway, so I am happy about the prospect of seeing the baby. This is a new feeling. I was pretty stressed out before all my other scans. I couldn't look forward to them, each time it was, like, omg the baby is dead. Of course there's never a guarantee we'll only see good things at the scan, and the technician could well be a real butthead, which would ruin things somewhat ... BUT I am looking forward to it. I think that baby has been moving about a fair bit. I know I've seen and heard the heartbeat on the doppler just recently. It should be all good! 

I really hope we find out more about the baby - how big s/he is, whether she's a she, or he's a he! How s/he is doing. 

It'll be quite a while before we see her/him again. 

Almost 20 weeks ..

Picture time! 

How's this? 

The baby has really been tickling me since last night! 

An evening out with Nani & NK!

My parents are in Bangladesh and although we have been away in Carlisle, we're back home now, and took the opportunity to take Nani (my grandmother) and NK (my aunt) out for a drink and some dinner at The Plough at Fen Ditton (it's in Cambridge I guess). 

I'm happy to report that they LOVED it. The pub has be re-done and looks very nice, and is very comfortable. The grass and the river looked lovely, there were people practicing their rowing, and there were families and children running about, much to Nani's delight. She had some time to do some people-watching. 

The May Fayre and the Final pair of Godparents sign up!

We'd been dying to ask Paula and Stu to be the baby's Godparents (for want of a better title ... you know what I mean) ... we finally caught up with them, surprise!!, at the Royston May Fayre, which was lovely. 

They said YES!! Hurray, so now we have a full set which is so wonderful. The baby will have 5 Godparents (lucky so and so), and we think we chose very well, and are really, really honoured they all said yes. 

I spent the whole time thinking, next year .... I hope I hope I hope I have the baby with me and we can play about in the sunshine. Of course that all depends on the sun shining in early May next year, and the baby being compliant with my sun-skincare regulations!!! We went well after the danger time and it was still super hot!! 

We watched children and parents having fun, we watched a whole troop of little girls and not-so-little girls called the Electrolites who perform with pom poms or batons - the teeny little ones were not exactly good at the routines, but were so sweet, I cried a lot! My Baby Princess could be like that one day, and Brishti is very much like some of those little girls. The older girls were pretty good at some points - their routines were SO LONG, how do they even remember any of it? 

Loads of people were wearing I Love Royston t-shirts and I loved that! 

19 Weeks!

Well I'm almost half way there (roughly)

I'm certainly growing anyway, which, I believe, means so is the baby. 

I feel great, which is wonderful, although euphoria does not necessarily translate into lots of hard work on my PhD sadly .... 

Visiting Kate, Chris & Freya

This was meant to be our on-the-way-home treat - stopping by Hull and seeing Freya for the first time, and catching up with Kate and Chris, we hadn't seen them in ages!! 

In the end , we went to see them, and then left the next morning and went back to Carlisle to check out a few more papers. 

Chris had cooked us a gorgeous Nadiya-friendly dinner and we all had time to hang out, which was very nice. Kate, far more pregnant than I am, was pretty tired! It was a strange glimpse of a few months ahead for me!!! (although she works incredibly hard, brave thing, and I do my utmost to rest lots and lots!!!) 

We took Freya a Miffy cuddly toy and she most gratifyingly loved it and cuddled it and kissed it. Excellent child. 

Their dogs were pretty impressive - very well-trained, and I wasn't THAT scared, although they very kindly kept them away from me most of the time. Chris had a bit of a campaign to get me over my fears going on ... and I do think it helped in the end - I stopped being scared, but to be honest dogs still gross me out and I just don't want the drool on my clothes!!! Oh dear ... so much to get over before baby gets here.