So here I am at just over 32 weeks. That's some bump I have there! Actually, the bump is perfectly ok in size for my dates, according to the midwife. My scan on Tuesday showed the baby too is just the right size - head, shoulders, legs, body etc all the right size, he's average for his age. He weight (they think) 4 lbs and 4 oz. That is about 2 kg. He has a lot of growing to do in the next 7 and a half weeks or so!
I'm actually not too big, and neither is he - I am not sure what people expect when they see me, but I have had quite a few 'you're huge' comments (nice!! LOL) and wise words about amniotic fluid (I'm carrying a boy and he had a load of fluid around him just in front ..)
Well, all that aside, here is what I know, based on being in constant contact with my little one - I am absolutely fine, my Metformin, diet and staying active is paying off still. He is just perfect - nothing wrong with him, he is doing very well, specially under the circumstances, he is a constantly reassuring little presence. He moves about throughout the day, still does not hurt me, gets into a comfy position when he needs to. He is really doing his thing, and I feel encouraged to make the effort to make his situation as pleasant as possible - keeping my food and activity as positive as possible, keeping my energy levels as stable as possible, resting and getting up to do things in turn, staying positive when I can and getting help when I feel anxious - Iain and hypnobirthing CDs are my first line of defence ... I know I have more ... Kate is a good person to talk to, as are Chris and Jules - even though they haven't been pregnant, or had GD, they know me well, and I can't begin to explain how supportive their support is. Am relieved I have Sarah too. Once I know what I am doing, she will protect me, help me protect myself.
Am under pressure from the hospital and the midwife about birthing the baby in hospital ... the reasons are the usual scare-mongery ones - nothing specific for me and my case. I was starting to get worried and scared (not falling for that one though!!) - actually, objectively, there are reasons to stay at home, and reasons to go there, and I need a lot more answers from the hospital side before I can make my informed choice. Yes, there are some special cases where hospital is safer ... I really don't think that is the case with me and my little one right now, and its far too early to say.
They are obliged to give me the information I need at the hospital, and if they simply do not know any figures or know what they will do to 'keep me safe' then really, they have no clue and nothing to convince me with, which will tell me what I need to know. If they have good reasons, but I don't think they apply to me, then I have my answer. It's completely possible that my situation will deteriorate in the next 7 weeks and their reasons will have sound and relevant basis - in which case they need to have a very good plan in place for me or I will not be happy.
We just need to be organised, even if it just means organising a very good early chunk of labour at home and then ship the whole show over to Addenbrookes. I'm not about to let anyone mess things up for my baby. My job's to protect him, and I'm the only one who will be with him all through - the hospital staff will come and go, most of them wont know me at all. Even Iain might get taken away from me, then what? No one can take responsibility for what happens but me (unless they knock me out or render me immobile, oh horror). So I just have to be responsible.
My symptoms are once more interesting!
I am so tired so easily, and dizzy - not for long, mind, just briefly, and a little rest, a little yoga or a little breathing sorts it all out.
I have been extremely lactose intolerant - the small amounts of lactose remaining in my system have not been overly painful, or painful for long, but the problem is almost out of control ... am managing to control it with eliminating the dairy and taking the good bacteria and staying at home so I can watch what I eat. It will take at least till the weekend before I feel ok again I reckon, and another week or 2 before I am good again.
Well, it was good while it lasted, enough is enough. Even the baby can't make the lactose problem go away.
The diabetes team were understandably less than impressed with my sugars for last week. I had been out a few times and had forgotten my Met dose a couple of times - I had a bad reading every other day. This coupled with the fact that the baby's belly is a bit big for his age means you-know-who has been chowing down on the extra glucose in my system. I feel so bad, so guilty and greedy - I love the baby, and am not particularly selfish or greedy when it comes to him, and yet I was greedy and selfish enough to eat all that. I chose to eat that stuff - sure, no one around me helped me stay away, but really, it's not their issue is it, it's my problem, the food, and it's my baby. I don't see the point in regret and guilt in this case when I have SO MUCH TO DO - he has not exactly suffered yet - doctors are not worried. They will worry if I don't turn this situation around.
The diabetes team (oh the patronising arrogance!!) have given me a week to show I can have perfect numbers still with Met and diet alone ... and my prize? I get to carry on with more 'you can't do this for ever, [smirk smirk]'... My punishment should I fail? I will be 'put on insulin'.
Oh cheers, they own me now do they?
Anyway, I understand that if I can't control all my levels myself I will need help, and that could well mean insulin, and it WILL work better than Met alone, but I need to know they have some sort of method of balancing the insulin during the birth - it's not easy, it's a slippery slope IMO - and randomly having a couple of drips attached (good luck attaching 2 drips to me btw!!!) with some moron who knows nothing about my brand of 'diabetes' is not something I can consent to.
Who are these people that think this is a sound plan??
Can't believe women just agree to all this ... what are they thinking .....
Anyway, here's what I'm thinking:
Yippee, my baby is just the loveliest baby ever, you should have seen him on the screen when they scanned him, so sweet! He's still a blobby little so-and-so ... but that's the ultrasound for you, he's not really like that. What he's really like is a cuddly, curious little soul, who these days likes to stretch out a bit when he has a moment, ad tries to swim to the surface to be near his Daddy when Iain talks to him or near him. He wakes up around 5:30 in the morning, and seems to just like being up and about - no specific issues!!
We love him very much.
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