Went in to See Annabel as well as Dr Seymour today.
Not a lot to report wrt Seymour - we talked about getting my Osteocare on prescription, and Aspirin ... She did me the aspirin, but the Osteocare isn't an NHS drug, so she'd have to give me chewable calcium (euurrgghh!! NO WAY) instead, and get this - that calcium has no vitamin D added or magnesium ... pretty pointless for me then ... need the D to absorb the calcium! DOH. Nice one ... again.
I had meant to ask Dr Seymour for help with my misery - some days its just misery and it comes and goes, other times it is far darker, far more sinister, and I am sinking, not that slowly, and (clearly) surely. However I felt so good today I didn't bring it up. If I can have good days still, I don't think anything she can offer me is appropriate. Hope I am not shooting myself in the foot here.
It took ages to see Seymour, seeing Annabel was a far easier task - she was pretty much on time! I had walked to the surgery, am very proud of that. I had a load of medicines including test strip for the glucose meter and loads of Metformin and Omeprazole to collect too. Stearns had a big plastic bag for me! OMG I'm my father!!!
Anyway, we talked about how I was doing, she measured me (I am 2.5 cm over my weeks ... was 28.5 cm and am 26 weeks pregnant). Of course, as Annabel put it, the measurements are gross (pretty pointless) so never mind (Oh, why do them then?????)
Told her I failed my GTT and was testing my sugar 4x a day and eating carefully, new diet etc. Told her my scans are arranged and we'll find out more that way. I asked about how the scans will help - they can't tell the size of the baby anyway, and it will vary each time (depth) surely ... so it's not even comparable ... how can I judge whether to switch to hospital from the scans? She said all we will look for is rate of growth ... Well, again, to my mind we CAN'T see the actual rate of baby's growth if the scan can always be a whole lb out ... And how can just one scan a month tell us anything at all?
A bit half-arsed as far as plans go, I think. I'm expected to take their word for it based on 3 scans?? If you're gonna do it, do it properly - scans, experienced midwife poking about checking size with me NOT being flat on my back (gives totally the wrong impression about baby's size) and some sort of effort to teach me to monitor what the baby is doing closer to B-Day ... all that would possibly give us a semi-reliable picture of what is going on in there. Hmmpphh.
I asked if I HAD to be in hospital now, or if I HAVE to be in hopsital if I need to use Insulin shots. Her opinion was it depends - with isnulin, I'd be better off in hospital as they will put the 2 drips, and they can't do that at home (er, why?) and they would check my sugars every hour (er, why can't I do it at home?) and if need be, I'd have insulin (er, can't we do that at home too? I'll bet this hourly check will just be a pinprick test like my home one, and the as no one will be measuring my actual insulin levels ... the insulin dose they give me will be based on a guess, made accdording to the amount I have been injecting anyway ... so why not just do that at home..?) She also said they only stay an hour or so after the birth when it's a home birth and if I had him in hospital, they would keep me and him in 24 hours (OMG!!! NOOOOOOOOoooooooo) and monitor him all that time - pricking his foot etc etc.
OMG nightmare. I'll bet they'll drag him away from me all the time too.
I don't see, right now how that scenario is any safer and better. I still feel having him safely and calmly at home, having the space and privacy to breastfeed him immediately should stop any sugar problems for him (unless he has a serious sugar issue - but we'd already know how well I had managed to control my sugars and if they were really bad leading up to his day, I'd go to hospital. If the levels stay as they are now, I don't see the problem). I think the most crucial tool we have is the breastmilk. I can collect some before he comes and have it ready, and he can try and have the ready stuff as soon as he's out. We can test his blood just as well as anyone. Or the midwife can.
Anyway, Annabel did say that it's not unheard of for well controlled insulin dependent women who only use the shot a very few times a day to have the baby at home just fine. The difficulty is in women not wanting to eat, getting tired etc etc, labour being long and difficult ...
Again, my best chance of labour not being long, difficult and stressful is being at home, and my best chance of keeping my sugars stable is being by my own kitchen, eating my own food.
So I feel I need to keep my sugars down at any cost, and do my utmost to stay off the insulin. Really careful food and lots and lots of exercise. The harder I work, the least resistance I'll have to face from the hospital.
I'm miserable though because I haven't done enough, haven't trained enough, got fit enough, been disciplined enough ... I do so much ... as much as I can ... it's never enough though. Look at me - I've already gained 10 kg and I have GD.
3 months to go.
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